Winter always comes with a silver lining.
Yes, there are the dashes to the car in the bucketing rain and the prospect of being trapped inside the house with far too many snotty-nosed children. But then there are the promises – of life slowing down a little, of simplifying your routine. It becomes more about savouring the warm moments and cosying up on the couch with a good novel, flicking through baking books and figuring out what to cook next.
We really drew inwards this quarter.
The process felt strange, a season that we haven’t experienced in that way for a very long time. For so much of our married lives we reacted to the needs around us, performing roles that were vital and keeping up connections with our communities…. Very important functions, of course, but sometimes you just need a chance to breathe and figure out what your next direction might be.
It was a season of shedding – Eli ceasing basketball, me slowing down with this blog and our Enchanted Table gatherings. We had our fair share of sickness, although thankfully not quite at the severity of the flu which took down others with terrifying swiftness.
As always, I’m linking up with Emily Freeman to reflect upon the lessons of the season.
1. I Can’t Do Everything
I knew this already, of course, but this season I really learned it. Dabbling in a lot of great things is fine for a while, but if I really want to zero in on getting my book series published, I have a lot of work to do!
It turns out the hardest things to let go of are those that served a great purpose when you start them.
For me, this blog and The Enchanted Table have been so life-giving and rewarding, but the time and energy sacrifice for me to continue investing in them with such regularity has become impossible. I still plan to check in here in key moments and to record lessons (like the ‘What I’ve Learned’ series) and birthdays, but posting weekly is now unsustainable. As for The Enchanted Table, my plan is to host one feast every term now, which should allow a much better balance for the family.
It has taken me a long time to get to this point. There’s also a lot of emotion involved in learning that just because I’ve found joy in something in the past, that doesn’t make it ‘who I am’.
Slowing down in some areas has meant I have been able to create some exciting things. I’ve now launched my writer website – Emma Louise Hughes – and it feels a little surreal, but also like it is the most natural next step in the right direction.
2. The Enneagram is a Game Changer in Parenting
As part of my role as Writer in Residence at Belgrave Heights Christian School, we have been creating a series for parents on the Enneagram called Nine Types of Learners. But I suspect the person who has benefited most from this series, is me!
Just knowing that there might be a Challenger in our midst allows me to examine our eldest son’s pushing back on rules as the way he is wired to get to the truth and ensure justice is being served, rather than merely lamenting a lack of respect.
The Enneagram isn’t magic (in that it hasn’t made me a perfect parent by any means) but the lessons that I continually learn make parenting so much more straightforward… which, in this crazy world, is exactly what I need!
3. I’m a Procrastinator
This one came as a huge surprise to me, even though I had read that Type 6’s generally struggle with procrastination. Not me, I foolishly thought. And then I completed a quiz about fear archetypes at Ruth Soukup’s site.
I guess procrastination can look like listening to a million podcasts about starting a business that I have no immediate plans for or reading 53 books for the year so far… yes, now that I see it, I probably do have some issues!
Knowing about it, though, has been so helpful in allowing me to make changes. I’ve narrowed my podcast list to ones about writing and switched up rest time to include doing some more work on my stories rather than just reading every day.
I have also entered a competition (just posted my entry off today!) for a middle grade short story and I’m entering another one on Twitter called #PitchWars soon. The deadlines have a way of giving me that kick up the butt that I needed and launching me into action.
4. Family Sleepovers are the Next Big Thing
Seriously. Have you tried this? We’ve had some dear friends over twice now for a sleepover (dinner, bed and breakfast) and it is so much fun!
The sleepover captures all the best parts about catching up – eating together, kids getting along, parents getting the chance to actually have uninterrupted conversations,… and experiencing the ‘depth of relationship’ that happens when you see each other first thing in the morning.
Dave and I have been doing a monthly ‘actually get out of the house date night’ using a similar strategy with my parents. We all sleep over, but they put the kids to bed and we get to experience an adventure of our own. All of us look forward to the experience – it is so great for the kids and my parents really enjoy getting to spend time with them on their own turf and terms.
If you haven’t done a family sleepover yet, I highly recommend it!
5. Birthdays are such a Thin Place
I celebrated my birthday in August and Dave and I got the chance to escape to The Savoy for a night – following the scents and delicious aromas around the city streets and stopping off wherever our hearts (or stomachs) desired. We worked our way through countless varieties of cheese, with a decadent high-tea style feast at The Westin, then lingered at the South Melbourne markets the next morning for brunch.
But the thing we savoured the most? Being able to have layers of uninterrupted conversation, pulling together all the strands that had been simmering for months and looking with anticipation towards an exciting future. Priceless.
There’s something about the process of turning another year older that brings everything into sharp focus and getting away together allowed us to really hone in on some deep questions and dream big.
…
As the first buds begin to blossom and the chill of the air fades, I’m thankful for this season of reflection. The ebbs and flows of the year all have a purpose and I suspect that the foundations we have laid in this part of the year will flourish into something amazing later on… only time will tell.
