I want to preface this by saying that I haven’t always been that great at prioritising my time or values. I can think of many times in my life where I just wanted to binge watch Gilmore Girls and eat half of an extra-spicy pizza, or in the early years of our marriage when we were totally addicted to playing World of Warcraft and may or may not have brought in one New Year by levelling up our shared character to level 80.

No, I didn’t make that up.

Probably the single most powerful factor that shifted my understanding of time and its importance was the entrance of kids. Suddenly, time isn’t our own anymore and a baby – in all his fragile glory – can easily take over every minute. I learned the hard way that I had to ‘make time’ now, to use it effectively or I would constantly be scrounging or trying to catch up.

It has taken a long time, but I have discovered along the way what wasn’t serving me anymore and how, by giving these things up, more time seemed to magically appear.

As I put this list together, something immediately became clear. Every single one of these changes was a result of moving towards a more attractive aim, rather than just deciding what I was doing was negative. As Jim Kwik says, ‘what you resist, persists’, and that one-liner resounds for me. I had to ask myself what better version of myself I wanted to move towards, rather than just deciding to stop.

So, here are the five things (in no particular order of importance):

1. I Don’t Sleep In

This is crazy talk, and a few months ago I would have scoffed at you if you even suggested this would make it onto my list. Weekends used to be my special time. Dave would wake up before me and wrangle the kids for an extra hour or two so that I could get that extra rest. It was heavenly and I really appreciated it.

It wasn’t until I began the practice of meditation and learned that meditation allows your body to access rest that is five times deeper than sleep that I began to realise that this might be a far more efficient way to recharge. I now meditate twice a day – once before the kids wake up and another session during rest time – and it is exponentially more effective in allowing me to access that hidden reserve of energy and move through the day with focus.

It has even got to the point where Dave – thinking he was doing me a favour last week – turned off my alarm so that I could get an extra hour of sleep, and I had to have a discussion with him about how actually now I really want to wake up early and to please not do that again.

I think we were both a little shocked!

2. I Don’t Watch TV

Okay, so this has a little caveat in that I will watch a show if I’m watching it with the kids or if Dave asks me to watch something with him on Date Night. (And if it involves Mrs Maisel, I’m sure going to make an exception for that!). If I’m going to spend a night watching a show, it now has to have an added connection of being a relational investment.

I can’t remember a specific point in my life where I just decided that I wouldn’t watch TV anymore, but somehow over the years I have just realised that there are so many other worthwhile things I want to pursue (working on my manuscripts, for example) and that the time required for entertainment just sucks all of that away and doesn’t leave me feeling energised.

I also found that the majority of podcasters I regularly listen to all mentioned this as a thing they had to give up in order to make time for what they really wanted to do.

3. I Don’t Drink

Perhaps you have already read my story of how I came to realise I wasn’t just a ‘mum who loved her wine’ but I was on the road to becoming an alcoholic (if I wasn’t already one). It wasn’t even about the amount I drank, but the destructive brain patterns that became entwined with the practice and I came to the conclusion that in order to get rid of those, I would have to choose sobriety instead.

There is absolutely no judgement from me if you enjoy a glass of wine. I really wish I could have embraced moderation and had it work for me, but unfortunately, it just didn’t.

What I have learned being three months sober (as of Monday!) is that life is so much better without the constant cycle of over-thinking, drinking, and self-shaming. I sleep soooo much better (which gives me back more time and energy), wake up feeling refreshed, actually like myself without the booze and have predominantly been able to ignore that inner ‘mean voice’ that so enjoys tormenting us.

I’m a lot more choosy about which social gatherings I attend now (just a part of accepting I’m more of an introvert) but the ones I do attend sober have actually been more fun. It took a while before I realised that all I have to do is show up and ask good questions and this inevitably leads to great conversations. (Particularly now that I’m not wrapped up in my own head wondering if I appear too drunk to everyone or when I should go and get myself another drink.) An added bonus – now there are no hazy wonderings as to whether I said something I will come to regret or any painful recoveries the next day.

4. I Don’t Diet

When I was growing up I remember dieting books scattered over the living room. We went through them all – body shape specific diets, smoothies, the Atkins diet. We were vegetarian and even vegan for a couple of painful years (I may have increased that period in my mind because it was clearly so traumatic for me!) and I hated it.

All I could think about during this era was having a Big Mac.

It has taken a long time and I have gone through many periods of my life where I went a little crazy on pizza and chocolate, and of course, wine. But now, I feel like I can eat pretty much anything I want and still remain in the best physical shape I’ve been in since I was a teenager.

What’s my secret?

I pursue food according to the French way. If you haven’t read French Women Don’t Get Fat (by Mireille Guiliano), do it. It articulates perfectly the philosophy behind food and pleasure and about achieving a balance. Now, Guiliano also happened to be the CEO of a champagne company at the time she wrote it so you might have to ignore the countless references to champagne, but at its heart, the French way is the best system I’ve found to that enables me to really enjoy food and not feel like I’m missing out on anything but still be happy within the body I’ve been given.

5. I Don’t Allow Phone Notifications

When I discovered recently how to turn off my notifications I suddenly realised how much less I was checking my phone. So often I would pick it up just to check the time or to respond to a message and I would see a notification from Facebook and mindlessly click into that instead. After five minutes of the ‘scroll of death’,  I would put down the phone only to realise I didn’t even find out what the time was or send that message!

I’m sure I’m not alone.

Turning off phone notifications (except for calls and messages) is an easy way for me to minimise one major source of distraction. I believe that there is great good and great evil in social media and technology and it is up to us as to how we navigate that.

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I think it’s so important to note that these lessons for me have come as a result of really trying to understand myself and the way that I work. Your list will look completely different and that’s awesome!

So, let me know down below – what don’t you do that makes you more successful?