I used to think I was an expert on the Enneagram.

From the multitude of books that I consumed, to the mounting minutes of podcast interviews, to the daily Enneathought that made its way into my inbox each morning… if information could be converted into self-awareness, I would have been buried under the weight of my own brilliance.

Then it turned out that I had mistyped myself.

At first I was a One – firmly in pursuit of perfection, right-thinking and rigidity. It made sense, describing much of my outward actions, the relentless way in which I threw myself into life. My anger when things didn’t go to plan, the soldier-like efficiency, a focus on values.

It was only part of the story.

I sobbed when I thought I was a Two. It was true, I drove myself to near exhaustion trying to perform all the helpful tasks around the house, ensure even unspoken needs were met and matched the fairly traditional picture of a 1950s housewife. But the real rub lay in the fact that I had not known myself properly, that I had spouted off so much about the Enneagram and mistakenly applied it to myself… and been wrong.

I think I may have struck out again.

Dave is a Three – a driven, values-oriented visionary who is always knee-deep into a plan of what the universe could look like. He moves fast, re-frames quickly and keeps what seems like hundreds of balls in the air.

Whenever I read over the Three chapter his face vividly came to mind. I nodded along and agreed that it described his nature (and flaws) quite accurately.

I didn’t stop to think that it could possibly describe mine as well. An insatiable need for affirmation, appreciation, admiration… a fear of the shuddering shame of failure… a drive that sends me ‘tunnel-visioned’ in pursuit of an adopted goal… a focus on image, a need to throw lavish parties, epic road-trips, write an elaborate fantasy book series….a blog to tell the world about it… Oh dear.

After my previous misidentifications, I’m reluctant to claim unequivocally that I have ‘now seen the light’, ‘found my way’ or that ‘everything has clicked into place’. What it has done, however is show me another way to view my behaviour, another way to make sense of different pieces of the puzzle that seemed to have faded to make way in order for the previous Typings to fit.

In fact, I would argue that mistyping can actually be helpful. The Enneagram is a broad and multi-layered tool that can show you why you might be adopting certain survival tactics, embracing ways of being human that aren’t necessarily reflective of your True Self. Each epiphany I have has drawn me closer to examining why I fall into unhealthy patterns of behaviour, why my anger frequently surfaces and what I hope to achieve out of life.

I have had the privilege (though I wouldn’t always call it that in the moment) of examining my flaws from many angles. It hasn’t been pretty, it hasn’t been comfortable, but I do feel as if I’m taking steps forward in this unpredictable journey.

What I have learned is that my mistyping showed me who I wanted to be, it revealed what I was aiming for, and also what I was ignoring. It showed me new blind spots and challenged me to be honest about the underlying motivations that guided my behaviour.

And who knows, maybe next week I’ll be announcing that I have discovered the emotional angst of being a Four! Watch this space…

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Some helpful links if you are interested in finding out more about the Enneagram:

Typology Podcast (with Ian Morgan Cron)

The Road Back to You (Suzanne Stabile and Ian Morgan Cron)

The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth (Chris Heuertz)

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective (Richard Rohr)

The Narrative Enneagram

The Enneagram: An Introduction

Sleeping at Last: Enneagram Series (stunning ongoing music project with dedicated songs for each Type)

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How about you? Have you mistyped before? Are you convinced that your adopted Type is the best reflection of the complex reality of ‘You’? How has the Enneagram been a helpful tool in figuring out your True Self?