Every night I’m woken by the same nightmare.

It’s a variation on a theme, but the crux of it is that someone or something has tricked me, causing me to swap bodies into a parallel universe where there is a global pandemic and everything is eerily familiar but completely foreign. My family is here, I’m here, but I’m trapped in this silent scream that this isn’t my life.

Then heart thumping, eyes adjusting to the shadowy half-light, I remember…

It isn’t a dream.

Life as we know it has shifted. It’s as if the curtain of normalcy has been ripped apart and now we see with horrifying clarity what lies underneath. Concepts like death and disease seemed distant and fairly remote, still there of course, but they visited their truth upon us in controlled or predictable moments.

Now, the spectre is everywhere.

I first felt it in the rising hum of panic while grocery shopping. Essentials were slowly vanishing and everyone seemed to be going about their business with a muted air of suspicion.

It showed up in snarky status updates about ‘stockpiling idiots’ and mocking memes about those who hoard. There was an unmistakable undercurrent of fear and self-righteousness simmering.

Last Monday, it got personal. Hudson woke listless and with a high fever. We rearranged our plans and cancelled any outings involving him, not realising how the world would continue to shift over the next week. Since that time (ten days ago now), I’ve had a taste of life lived primarily within the walls of my own home.

Here are the things I’ve learned so far:

1. Habits are a Life-raft

In a time where everything seems upended and the usual methods of re-setting aren’t available, habits become crucial. Doing things in the same way at the same time gives a sense of normalcy and permanency that is otherwise hard to grasp.

I’m still hauling myself out of bed at 5am (although creative writing of any kind is a struggle right now), meditating twice a day, having a cold shower, journalling and reading… and it is in these moments that life seems ‘right way up’.

If you need to implement some bedrock habits to get you through, I highly recommend reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits (or the series we have created over at The Parent Sphere to distill all the practical wisdom of habit formation).

2. The Lows are Lower, The Highs are Higher

I’ve cried more over the past week and a half, but I’ve laughed harder than I can remember as well. Whether over this hilarious twitter story or the new Bluey ‘Dance Mode’ episode, I’ve actually discovered new rib muscles as a result (which led to a slight moment of panic when I confused these aches for a symptom of COVID-19).

Yes. I know.

3. Expect the Mess to Spill Out

I pride myself on doing life well and keeping calm most of the time, but being stuck at home with the rising tension, a sick kid and the ‘not knowing’ has definitely made things difficult. I’ve been snappy, irritable, yelled at the kids, just wanted to retreat into the world of my current book, been obsessive about germs, felt like no one could possibly understand my reality and have picked up my phone to ‘just check’ on pandemic stats way more times than was necessary.

The kids have picked up on the rising anxiety as well, and we’ve already had some scorchers of tantrums from one in particular, including a twenty minute screaming session on the freeway with liberal texta-graffiti all over the car seat and threats to rip up all my books when we got home.

Fun times.

4. ‘Just Checking’ Leads to Nothing Good

So many times I picked up my phone for something legitimate and found myself only seconds later looking at the latest case stats on Twitter or googling virus symptoms. Our level of connectivity can be an incredible asset, or a pipe filled with toxic gas that we pump right into our homes. I haven’t nailed this one yet, so any tips you have to stop yourself from indulging in the panic-fuelled raft of information out there would be much appreciated.

What I do know is that every minute I spend on the phone I feel a heaviness and a smothering sense of fear that I then end up transmitting unintentionally to those around me.

5. Stay Connected

When I was first stuck at home with Hudson and I was feeling the world shift around us, I tricked myself into thinking that everyone was going about their normal lives while I was trapped inside our ever-shrinking four walls.

It isn’t true.

Everyone is dealing with this in different ways and trying to process the fear, the economic stress, the supply issues, the germ phobias and the fierce protective love for vulnerable family members. Sure, we might have quirky ways of handling this anxiety but if we keep communicating with each other and sharing the mess honestly, we find that at the heart of it we are all the same.

The minute we tell ourselves that no one understands or that we are in this against the world, fear skyrockets and we lose the hope and love that comes with connection. So, when you do pick up your phone, use it to forge bonds with those you love. Check in and ask how people are finding life right now, offer to share or swap excess resources, forward funny memes that provoke laughter.

God knows we need more of that right now.

…

Yes, the world has changed, and we have a lot of transitioning to do in order to adjust to the ‘new normal’, but the more we do it together – with empathy and openness – the easier it will be. It’s so tempting to shut down and shoot out vague or passive-aggressive status updates, but fuelling the divide won’t help anyone. We need each other right now. We need to get through this by pooling hope and resources.

And a hell of a lot of prayer.