On this Mothers’ Day Weekend, I participated in a panel on Motherhood and Rest at our church, CityLife. The thought of it was just a little terrifying, but as I moved forward into meeting the other incredible women on the panel and becoming brave enough to figure out what I wanted to share, I began to get tentatively excited by the opportunity instead. Knowing that I was going to be sharing alongside of three other incredible women made it a lot easier to find the courage to say ‘yes’.

At the end of the day, each one of us has a unique story to share. Our stories contain magic if we look deeper – the power to encourage and inspire. I am quite convinced that so many life-changing decisions of my own would not have occurred if I hadn’t heard another’s story and felt that seed of courage bloom that ‘maybe, just maybe I could do this too’.

So, here is my story (more or less) as I shared it over the weekend. You can also listen to it here (which I very much recommend because then you get to hear other stories as well!)

Introduce yourself and your family and give us a glimpse of what motherhood has been like for you so far

Hey, I’m Emma Hughes. I’m married to Dave (fourteen years now!) and we have four spirited kids – Eli (almost 8), Hudson (6), Ivy (4) and Harvey (2). Life with four kids sure has its challenges, many of which I don’t think we were really prepared for when we became parents, but let’s just say we’ve both learned a lot!

One thing that has really helped me figure out who I am in the midst of motherhood has been this blog. Dave suggested that I start blogging when we were going through the midst of a very difficult year when our second son, Hudson, was born with a number of health issues. At first I was only brave enough to share what I was writing with a handful of close friends, but as I found that my stories were encouraging them too I gathered the courage to share more widely. Now, I feel like I’m part of an incredible community who want to be authentic in the adventure of life, find a safe space to admit when it’s hard, but also celebrate the beauty of it all too.

How do you rest and how has this evolved?

Rest is actually a really big part of my life now. Every morning I get up before the kids are awake to spend some time doing yoga, prayer and meditation, then set intentions for the day to come. I have found this habit to be a game-changer, because it means that I’m not just stumbling around the kitchen reacting to whatever seems to be most urgent at the time.

We also have siesta as a family every single day of the week and I love it. Everyone disappears into their own cosy areas of the house and we each spend time reading, resting, creating or playing and we emerge much more refreshed and nice to be around.

How have you found rest even when experiencing tragedy or stress?

In 2013 we had a really tough year. When Hudson was born, I went through a period of post-natal depression but I had no framework for understanding what was really going on. I was angry and bitter and ended up turning to alcohol as an easy fix. Before long I found that it was becoming my default for handling problems and my tolerance was increasing so I was needing half a bottle a night to just ‘take the edge off’. I knew it wasn’t helping me and the guilt that I felt was so toxic. I felt like I was just on this hamster wheel of thinking about what I was going to drink and then wishing I hadn’t needed to do it.

On 20 February 2019 I had my last drink. It has been almost three months now and I’m amazed at the difference already in my life. It was really, really hard for a while and crazy hour (dinner/bath/bedtime) when I would usually have been drinking felt totally overwhelming. But, day by day, I’m emerging as a stronger woman, one who doesn’t need alcohol to get through the day and I love that.

Even this week, we had huge things happen – Harvey fell from a slide and hit his head directly on a concrete drain cover and had to go to hospital, our car broke down for the fourth time in a month (and still isn’t working) – but I felt a reserve of strength and courage that I definitely wouldn’t have known was there before. I made time for rest even more and we all emerged so much the better for it.

What do you find most rewarding and challenging about rest?

I was a lawyer before we had kids and I guess you could say that rest is not my normal state of being. I like to push myself to greater heights all the time and I’ve had to learn to make time for ‘the mellow’. Recently, thanks to the recommendation from a great friend, I’ve connected with a Spiritual Director who I meet with over Skype for an hour or so each month and our conversations are so incredible for reorienting me to what truly matters in life.

Every day I have a gratitude practice where I write down my top ten moments and time and time again I’ve found that it is the moments when I slowed down to really listen to my kids or danced with them in the kitchen, or sat down to drink a hot cup of tea – those are the ones I hold onto as worthwhile. Having this practice then helps me choose to slow down the next day, because I know that picking up those toys off the floor for the twelfth time is definitely not going to go on that list, but building a lego tower with the kids probably will.

What scripture gives you the most rest and why?

As I was sitting in the hospital with Harvey asleep in my arms this week, I had this epiphany. There was chaos all around me, people in pain and a huge bruise blooming on my son’s head. And sometimes it’s hard to see where God is in all of that. But then I had this picture of God being like a frequency that is always there. We can sit in front of the radio and lament that we can’t hear anything or feel anything, but then the next question is: ‘Have I turned the radio on? Am I tuning in to where he is right now?’ And I sat there and closed my eyes and suddenly I could sense this most amazing peace that completely surrounded me. It was beautiful.

My scripture, one that speaks to me and reorients me even in the most difficult times is this: ‘I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength’ (Philippians 4:13). I love it because it is so empowering – I still need to act, but the grounding of that action is in God and the constant flow of strength comes directly from him.