I’m not a huge visionary. I don’t have a ten-year-plan or any real picture of what life might look like even five years into the future. My 14-year-old self would be bitterly disappointed that I haven’t made it big in a girl band but, hey, I’m not losing any sleep over that.

What I do know is that it isn’t so much the ‘what’ I’m doing that matters, but the ‘who’ I’m doing it with.

…

Dave and I clicked very quickly after we officially met at the Students For Christ group at Monash Uni. My first real memory of him – apart from rolling my eyes at his cheesy ‘Get it? Got it? Good!’ routine up the front – was when I entered one day to find him in the lobby at the circular Religious Centre. With recently shaved hair from the Worlds’ Greatest Shave, he looked different and stood out suddenly, although perhaps it was that I was subconsciously looking, after having just exited a rather dramatic relationship with an older man.

In truth, I wasn’t officially ‘on the market’ at all. The months of emotional turmoil had taken their toll and I had firmly sworn off men for six months (a ‘six month guy fast’).

Dave visited my church one evening and suggested we hang out and catch a movie afterwards. I valiantly tried to round up a crew, but in the end got only one taker – a perpetually enthusiastic guy called Lawrence. The three of us went to see ‘The Italian Job’, and while I don’t remember all that much about the movie, I do remember the drive home and the chat we had at the car afterwards. Dave texted later to say how much he’d enjoyed hanging out and proposed another opportunity the next morning at uni.

It took a grand total of four days for Dave to ‘lay his cards on the table’, declaring that he was very interested in going deeper, but my oath to avoid relationships until December put a hold on that. It did give us the opportunity to hang out a lot as ‘just friends’, however, which turned out to be the perfect foundation upon which to launch a fantastic relationship

In those early days we spent a lot of time together – playing squash, strumming the guitar in the boot of my Yellow SUV Holden Cruze, forming a three person band with our good friend Pete, hanging out in The Den, playing basketball and attending the many SFC events. The lack of pressure gave us plenty of time to have deep conversations about what we were hoping for and what direction we wanted to pursue in our lives. We traded opinions on faith and spirituality, on what a good life looked like and what values were important to us.

When it finally came time to make it official, the progression felt natural and effortless. It was a mere eight months later that we became engaged and a further six after that when we were married. A whirlwind of sorts, without the chaos.

The fact that we were barely out of our teens felt irrelevant. We both felt mature beyond our years and ready for whatever life would throw at us.

And, in many ways, we were right. We’ve weathered storms of sickness, miscarriage, financial hardship, the loss of jobs, a ‘once in a hundred year’ “pandemic”. We’ve stood strong against mandates, side-by-side for almost a decade building a church, together in the raising of our four beautiful and spirited children.

Our vision of what life together would look like has shifted many times over the last (almost) two decades, from heading off on a ‘mission moon’ to tsunami-struck Thailand (it turned out to be a regular honeymoon as none of the places we visited had been affected), living in a caravan so we could flexibly respond to whatever plan God had for us (the provision of housing as part of Dave’s first role as Youth and Young Adults Pastor meant this idea never got off the ground), and sharing a house with like-minded others to create a sense of community (which lasted around 2 years and saw the addition of two more babies to the combined household, along with a lot more sleeplessness and stress, leading to an inevitable decision to find separate living situations).

We’ve built a multitude of things – from a fledgling church, a family of four, a house that hosted countless Enchanted Table gatherings. Fashioned a life in accordance with our values – even if these clashed with the expectations of the culture and community – doing our best to stay faithful to what we felt God was calling us to at the time.

Of course, nothing is perfect and we have also faced many difficult times. From addiction (my struggle with alcohol and a rough journey towards sobriety – five years next week), to parenting battles (adjusting to the ever-changing needs of our four very different kids), figuring out when to cease homeschooling after it clearly wasn’t working for some and a change of careers for me mid-life (from lawyer to teacher).

We’ve ridden many waves and been carried by friends and family, trusted the guidance and support of our loving Father and ultimately have no regrets on this complicated trek through life. The fact that we get to do it all together has made the most wretched of times sweeter.

In January, we celebrated 19 years of marriage.

In some ways it doesn’t even feel real. How is it possible that we are almost through our second decade of marriage? That we’ve spent almost half of our entire lives together.

Our nineteenth year was a bit of a wild ride, mostly due to the breadth of change we experienced. Dave went from supporting me in the homeschooling attempt, helping with problem-solving and nightly counselling sessions when it all went south in that frustrating first month. He went into high-powered mode both in getting Eli back to school and then, when the others decided to follow, clearing the way for them all to start within 48 hours, uniform and all.

Then there was the decision to put the house on the market, which led to a massive home-improvement spell, with hours of sanding, painting, sorting, staining, styling, cleaning and pressure-washing (with plenty of help from Mum and Dad). While I don’t think we would last long on The Block, we put in a pretty solid effort and worked well as a team under stress. Dave skilfully morphed into the role of agent as he handled all the enquiries, managed the details of the listing and hosted the opens. While we haven’t managed to land a sale quite yet, we are choosing to enjoy all the moments we have left in this oasis.

We capped off the year with a night away together in Geelong.

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We high-five each other as we hop back into the car after dropping off the kids. The fact that they are largely self-sufficient and unfazed by spending a night with my parents is a huge win and we no longer need to leave detailed lists about schedules, naps or behaviour-management. Our first stop is a highly-rated Greek takeaway place that happens to be on the way. We enjoy the lavish spread of spit-roasted meat, pita bread, sauces and salad and can barely fit it all in.

I duck into a few op shops as we arrive in Geelong, while Dave takes the chance to savour a magic (coffee) at a funky-looking cafe nearby. My goal to piece together a ‘teacher wardrobe’ receives a significant boost as I find many great options.

We follow the instructions to our ‘little gem’ in the heart of Geelong, ducking down the cobblestoned lane to unlock the gate and step over the jacaranda petals to our abode. It lives up to the name – it’s basically a converted garage – but is tastefully decorated, comfortable and cosy. We battle the desire to take a nap and instead opt for a quick rest instead before heading out to the waterfront.

The rain that has been pouring down steadily all afternoon ceases and we go on a Bollard treasure hunt along the pier. Dave throws enthusiastic poses in each shot and we get around halfway before turning back to make our dinner reservation. El Santo Mexican looks like an authentic choice, including the option of cactus tacos, so we decide to give it a go. Dave orders a slow-cooked chicken dish which comes with blue corn flatbreads, while I opt for a mix-and-match taco selection (including the cactus). It is delicious and vibrantly flavoured. We also enjoy their housemade soda – I try the hibiscus and Dave, the blood orange.

Dessert is sourced from Augustus Gelatery which melts at a quicker pace than we can eat it, but is delicious all the same. We try to seize the moment and catch a film at the cinemas, but upon watching the trailers for the available options, are underwhelmed. Settling instead for the dramatisation of The Dry on Netflix – Jane Harper’s outback thriller, we relax in the comfort of our accommodation with no regrets.

It feels like no time at all before it’s time to start heading back to Melbourne, despite waking fairly early. We try out the top-rated Uptown Cafe and score a delicious brunch (Eggs Benedict and Chilli Scrambled Eggs) to cap off the time away.

…

It doesn’t take much to recharge and refresh but it’s so important to take the time out to do so. Dave and I aren’t huge talkers, but the chance to have uninterrupted conversations, to zoom out a bit and evaluate how we are going and look forward to where we are heading is priceless. Definitely recommend.

I’m beyond grateful for a relationship that has been strengthened through hardship and deepened in hope. I’m thankful for God bringing us together and for helping us every step of the way. Our three-strand cord is doing alright.