A flash of fear, something I can’t control.
Are her tears a sign of illness?
Has the scarlet fever taken her too?
It flares in my stomach
I react before I mean to.
I lose it. Over milk bottles.
But what is ‘it’ exactly?
My sense of calm, of presence?
Being connected to the flow, to the universe?
I marvel at the way my inner peace unravels.
I reach out to grasp something that was never mine.
How I wish I could hold their health in my hand
Protect their lives and extend their happiness.
But every time I do, I step into the abyss.
It swallows me, mocking laughter as I free fall
Until I realise
I have everything I could ever wish for.
The peace of knowing it is not mine to control.
That the waves of life will buffet and shatter
But I will stand strong at the heart of the storm
As long as I cleave to the Ground of Being.
This post is part of a link up with an amazing community writers at Five Minute Friday. We free write for five minutes each Friday on a prompt. Join us!
24 comments
Spot on, Emma.
When Strawberry the Baby Bullmastiff showed up, I was watching her intently for signs of illnesses that could kill her…and could spread, even though we had her in a quarantine area for new arrivals.
And once again, I had to hand those thoughts over to The Man.
31 at FMF this week.
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/06/your-dying-spouse-169-hooks-to-future.html
Yes! I don’t know why my mind races with all the things that could go wrong like I have some hope of controlling it at all! Thank God we don’t, hey? Glad things turned out OK for Strawberry!
I guess I’m a bit lost. Maybe I’m just tired. It’s great to back in the fmf community.
Sorry, I meant to post the background which I completely forgot to do! My son Eli came down with scarlet fever and I started looking at every possible sign as a symptom in the other two kids… thanks for the feedback!
I don’t know how parents that don’t have faith in the Lord do it. I have to remind myself often that He’s got them.
Yes, I am convinced that He holds us all (regardless of what we profess to believe) and carries us more than we know… thanks for stopping by!
Beautiful poem. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Denise! So great to hear from you 😃
So beautiful, Emma! What a great reminder and one I needed to hear. Thank you.
P.S. Hope everyone is healthy over there!
Thanks Courtney! We had a bit of a health episode here this week but everyone is back to normal thankfully! Looking forward to reading your post, haven’t got around to that part yet but I love sitting down with a cup of tea and being inspired by everyone!
Beautiful post and poem. I’m in the 3 spot this week.
Thanks Tara! Can’t wait to read it!
Great post! I so relate to wanting to be in control and finding my inner peace unravel. It’s not easy but there is definitely freedom to be found in letting go and trusting God. Visiting from FMF #38.
Glad I’m not the only one!! Thanks for visiting and I’m looking forward to reading your post!
Emma,
oh how scary, yet how wonderfully you turned it around as an opportunity to trust and not “lose” hope. 🙂 This was an especially beautiful post this week!
Love,
Tammy
(#45)
Oh thanks Tammy! Sometimes I wish I could skip the difficult part and just go straight to the insight, but it doesn’t seem to work that way 🙁 Just about to go and read your post! xx
You’re not the only whose inner peace unravels. Me too. Me too. Me too but there’s grace for that.
The incredible power of ‘me too’! Thank you so much for commenting 🙂
I love this! The love and hate of trusting and letting go, over and over and over again. Thanks for writing. Stopping by from FMF #8 Blessings!
Yes it is such a cycle, isn’t it! Appreciate your kind words and to know that my struggle resonate with you as well 🙂 Will check out your post soon!
Great post, Emma! I guess it’s perfectly normal to lose “it” sometimes as a parent. And I agree that I wonder what “it” is at times. Only when we lose it we realize how much we need inner peace and strength and stability. So your conclusion of relying on the “Ground of Being” is just perfect!
Thanks Katha, it only just occurred to me to wonder what ‘it’ was, I had just been mindlessly using the phrase for so long now… But it does help to delve into why, hey? Appreciate your encouragement xx
Oh parenting is so hard. So thankful God keeps reminding us to release and receive. And oh how often He has to remind me. Hope your littlie is doing better.
It sure is, isn’t it!? Thankfully he is doing much better and the penicillin works wonders – so thankful to live in an age where we can access medicine and medical care with ease. Thanks for stopping by!