I hid from my weaknesses for a long time. Pouring myself into another mould – one that I could be proud of, control, contain. When the cracks began to fracture I looked away, then realised resistance would only lead to pain.
My selfless helping, what I had hoped was an expression of my love was, in fact – at its core – calculated to ensure assistance in kind. The vacancy of personal needs – a cover over introspection.
And yet, this glimpse, of myself, the ‘me’ I wanted to run from, has become the vessel of deliverance. The key to unlocking the ‘why’, and asking myself regularly ‘what do I need?’ I’m getting to know the shy girl, the vivacious teen, the straight-laced young adult – and choosing to love what I see.
We are all a little messed up. Telling stories to make sense of the moments, the hurts, the rejections. I guess it is only when we really confront the mirror – no filters – that we can learn to embrace this imperfect reality… and see beauty.
This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes in accordance with a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘accept’.
8 comments
This is so brave, Emma, and so very true.
Though, me being me, I would say ‘messed up’ just a wee bit differently.
#1 at FMF this week.
https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/09/your-dying-spouse-365-i-live-impossible.html
Colloquially I think I would too 😉 So sorry to hear about all the fresh challenges this week… My brave doesn’t even register in comparison to yours.
Yes and amen! Thanks for your courage friend!
Thanks Tara 🙂 Acceptance can bring up some pretty crazy things sometimes, hey?
I always love your posts Emma. I can see myself there. For a long time I felt like I had to fit a certain mold and of course that changed so much. It can be hard getting back to who we are when we have been something else for so long. Your post gives me a lot of encouragement. Have a wonderful week!
That is so kind, Kelly – I’m so glad you felt encouraged by my words and experience. Sounds like you have been on a pretty mega journey of your own – looking forward to learning more about it through your writing xx
Poignant post Emma. Convicting, affirming, and challenging-us to accept ourselves.
Thanks Stephanie 🙂 sometimes that can be the hardest thing, hey?