If you asked me a year ago whether I was an anxious person, I would have snorted in reply. Of course not. I don’t have time for that! 

My picture of anxiety was bound up in stereotypes. Trembling hands, timid steps, a fluttering heart.

When I first came across the Enneagram, I skimmed over Type 6. Definitely not me, I thought – I’m not at all driven by fear. I get stuff done.

It took me years of mistyping to finally see the truth. That my underlying driver, much of the time, is a need for security.

I live in a perpetual state of ‘seeing’ all the possible worst case scenarios that could unfold. A toy on the floor is not just mess, it’s the potential that Harvey could trip over it and plunge his head into the wall. A dirty toilet is not just unsanitary, it is a cesspool for germs that if my family get sick from, I will be the one responsible for their downfall.

Yes, it can be exhausting living inside my head.

I’m constantly plotting and planning. Scanning the environment for threat. I used to think everyone responded like this, but the beauty of the Enneagram has taught me that we all have our own lenses by which we view the world.

If you, like me, carry Fear as your passenger as Elizabeth Gilbert so perfectly expresses, here are my tips for getting through:

1. Discover Your Type

I’ve been talking about the Enneagram for a long time now and with good reason. There isn’t another typology system that I’ve found to be so comprehensively helpful in showing us not only what we do and why we do it, but how this alters when we are under stress or in a state of health.

Knowing the Enneagram allows me to place the behaviour outside of myself for a moment and to acknowledge that my greatest weakness can also become my greatest strength if I let it. Instead of allowing myself to ruminate and feel shame that I’m caught up in a thought loop of fear, I can use it to prompt courage.

The gift of the Six, for those around them, is that our pressing into fear and acknowledging worst case scenarios allows us to take better care of those we love.

2. Do a Brain Dump

This is a practice I’ve been employing more recently, but when I find that I’m in one of those places where the worries have built up so much in my head that I can’t think straight anymore, it has become my go-to.

I open a document on my computer (or take out a piece of paper) and begin. Usually I find that every third item starts with ‘I’m worried about’. I write down everything – even the things that feel silly coming out.

Then – and here is the crucial stage – I tackle each one (writing answers/strategies in bold). Stepping back into how I would respond if a friend was telling me these worries, I either make a plan to tackle the problem or give myself grace.

The difference is remarkable. One page (okay, who are we kidding – five pages) later and I can breathe again, my shoulders aren’t hunching inwards and I feel like I actually have the ability to move forwards.

3. Figure out what you can do

Going back to the Enneagram – one of the great characteristics of a Six is that we can head on over to the strengths of the Type Three (The Achiever) in times of stress. This means that we can switch into power mode and get stuff done when I see problems… as long as we don’t spend too much time living in that space and then suffer the results of burnout.

Generally, though, I’ve found that attacking a problem head on is a far better approach than ignoring or avoiding it. Particularly tackling it in small, manageable chunks. When you do something constantly, it suddenly doesn’t seem so hard anymore.

This works for the daily tasks as well – we do laundry every single day at the same time, pack lunches the night before, always have the freezer stocked with cakes to take along to play dates or as snacks for the ride. When everything has its place, life doesn’t seem quite so overwhelming somehow.

4. Sit with your thoughts

One of the major triggers for my alcohol abuse was my inability to face whatever dark void I felt was going on inside my head. I would pour a glass (and then another) each night because I just needed to numb out for a bit.

I needed to ‘not think’.

It worked, for a while. But then I was back to where I was before. In fact, I was behind where I was before. It turns out that alcohol actually increases your anxiety, it doesn’t reduce it.

I quit drinking on 20 February 2019, something I never believed I would be able to do prior to that point, but the hardest decision turned out to be a portal to a life that I really wanted to be living. It gave me the courage to put in place habits that would encourage health – like meditation.

Twice a day now, I meditate for fifteen minutes. It isn’t weird or spiritual. It looks like me and a pair of noise-cancelling headphones sitting on the couch as I allow whatever thoughts to come up. I sit with them and then they drift away.

Coming from a place where I would never have considered meditation, now I can’t imagine getting through a day without it. There are so many benefits (increase in energy, better quality sleep, more focus, stronger immune system, improvements in mental health etc).

Facing my thoughts allows me to have control over them. Trust me, the unknown is always more scary. Bringing things into the light has a way of reducing their power.

…

Anxiety untended can become something that rules us. If we ignore the signs that our body is giving us and continue ploughing on, our bodies usually just find louder ways of communicating the message (like a panic attack or illness).

If you battle anxiety and panic attacks, you have all my empathy. The attacks I have experienced have been enough to make me fervently wish never, ever to have one again. And if medication is the thing that is helping you to show up and do life everyday, there is absolutely no judgement from me.

Life can be a complex, crazy reality.

But, the more we show up and face the battles, do our work and meet challenges head on, we take that one step closer to hope. Wherever you are at today, be encouraged. All  you have to do is take one tiny little step in the right direction.

You’ve got this!

What do you do to keep anxiety at bay? Would love to hear your tips. Please let me know down below! And if you want to hear more about the Enneagram, let me know. I’ve been doing so much reading about it recently and I really enjoy it!