I’m not sure why but something about the nature of birthdays confounds me.

There is the sense that life speeds up, an increase in urgency, the need to account to myself that I’m moving forward. Then there is the reality – the laundry hum-drum, the school run, sibling clashes and toddler dashes.

I move between the two states with a jolt, often finding myself stuck in between. Am I the ‘me’ who exists beyond my circumstances, or the one defined by them?

This year has been huge.

One of the blessings and curses about keeping a blog is the fact that you can go back and read exactly where you were at in previous years. Sometimes I cringe, reading between the lines of what I wasn’t prepared to acknowledge, but reminding myself that the very fact I can see that now is proof of growth.

‘If you aren’t growing, you’re dying’. The quote echoes in my mind, both encouraging and overwhelming me. I want to make each year better than the last – bravely facing my shadow, doing my work and participating in the creation of a better world.

Here are a few ways that life has changed over the past year:

1. I Chose Sobriety

I’m five months sober now and this was the first birthday experience since I can remember that wasn’t defined by the presence (or absence) of alcohol. Sure, I had birthdays when I was pregnant but I was always looking at the clinking glasses around me in longing and wishing I could be partaking as well.

This year was different.

I observed with clinical detachment at first, then relished in the fact that there is so much enjoyment to be had (and no payment to make with my body later!).

The decision to choose sobriety has been one of the single most life-altering choices I have made in my existence on this planet. It sounds dramatic, but I’m convinced it’s true.

Alcohol had a hold on me that I just couldn’t shake. With one hand around my neck and another over my eyes, it numbed me and punished me, tempted and then berated me.

What I thought was ‘unwinding’ was winding me in knots, what I looked to for freedom and fun ended up (for the most part) only causing pain.

I don’t regret the journey I’ve been on (although I’ve had to do some real work to get to a place where I can say that). It has given me incredible empathy for those trapped in similar ways.

2. I’ve Been Building Towards my Dreams

If you asked me a year ago what my dreams were, you would have received a blank look in response. I was going through the motions of the everyday rituals, keeping children alive and tending to self-care, but nothing was building anywhere.

Dave, of course, could name five different possible paths and outline each of the steps to achieve each one, if you asked him. Me, not so much.

But what if that was just a limiting belief? What if I, as much as the next person, have the power to choose what I’m working towards and actually go there?

So I got out my journal, painted a vivid picture of what I wanted life to look like in ten years, extracted ten dreams and then chose one to go hard on.

It has made a world of difference.

Now, I have something to get up for in the mornings, when my alarm chirps at 6am. When I would have been grumbling about having to face the day, now I’ve already been up for an hour and a half, done yoga and meditation, connected with my fellow early riser writer buddies on Twitter and logged a chunk of time on my writing goals.

3. I’ve Asked for Help

I always liked the idea of therapy, but actually taking the steps towards seeking help seemed out of reach. But I would have to give up a night or get someone to take care of the kids – stuff it, too much work. 

When I got sober, I knew I would need some solid accountability, so I connected with a Spiritual Director over Skype. I didn’t know how it would go, but after four months now I’m blown away by how much we have been able to work through in that short amount of time.

I’ve delved into childhood issues, allowed my image of God to transform from an angry father to a supportive and unconditional grounding of being. I’ve recorded countless dreams and marvelled at the messages that were waiting there all along.

Laughter and tears have flowed, insights and fears been exposed.

I still get nervous every time, but when the session is over I marvel at the way all the loose threads of the previous month seem to be neatly tied together and all the lessons come sharply into focus.

4. I’ve Made Fun a Part of Life

This I learned the hard way, but it really is so important to take time for things that just make you smile. Life won’t ever just suddenly slow down, I’ve realised, so you really have to work to snatch the moments.

For me it has been baking up a storm (I got four Hummingbird Bakery cookbooks for my birthday and I plan to cook my way through those recipes like a boss!), reading (in the car pick up line waiting for Hudson), learning a language (for five minutes before bed) and most recently – building a new website (more on that later!).

Life truly is better when you find a way to enjoy it. And everyone around you will wholeheartedly agree.

Trust me.

5. I’ve Explored Meditation

I never ever thought I would get into meditation. It either seemed too weird or just unrelated to the reality of my pace of life.

And to be honest, it wasn’t until I discovered the very real scientific benefits to meditation (for fifteen minutes, twice a day) that the practice piqued my interest. I don’t even need an app or anything because the Z technique that I’ve learned from Emily Fletcher’s book ‘Stress Less, Accomplish More‘ is one you can do anywhere and at any time.

If you are interested in giving it a go for yourself (though be warned that things might get worse before they get better – it’s called ‘the unstressing period’ where you let a heap of stored stress in the body go), I would highly recommend reading her book and signing up for the free audio clips you get as a bonus.

6. I’ve Opened My Eyes to Our Finances

Just the thought of money stressed me out. ‘You handle it, Dave’, I used to say, ‘just let me know if there are any problems’.

Somewhere along the line I came across a number of books about living frugally (Meet the Frugalwoods), a project to save and invest $1000 chunks at a time (The $1000 Project) and then the Barefoot Investor’s Family Guide.

Since that point, we have transformed our approach towards money – following the Barefoot way and having weekly Money Meals for the kids, date nights for us and streamlining all our systems so that our money actually reflects our values.

It hasn’t been easy but at the very least I know now how it all works, where the money is going and I’m thrilled that our kids will grow up having a solid understanding of their own finances.

…

I’m very thankful to be 35.

My daily gratitude practice continually reminds me how lucky I am to have four amazing kids and a husband who is a best friend, fellow adventurer and brilliant life coach rolled into one.

Each day is an opportunity for growth, for an investment into the life I want to be living. I know the journey may not be easy, but I’m learning already how much pay off the struggle brings.

What have you learned or changed in the past year? So often we forget to celebrate how we have grown because life is busy or we fix our eyes on the next goal too quickly. I would love to hear about your wins this year – let me know down below!