Today is my birthday. 34 years of existence. Almost 300,000 hours of being.
Each year that passes brings me closer – closer to realising who I am underneath it all, closer to the encircling mystery that binds us all together. Time tests and refines me – with its ebbs and flows, the night following the sunshine, shadow stretching out from the light.
In this past year I’ve learned more about myself than I thought was possible – from Enneagram epiphanies (yes, plural), to figuring out that what I wanted more than anything was to become a writer. My soul became enlivened when I pictured creating life around The Enchanted Table and we have all been enthralled by all the ‘journeys’ (France, Portugal, Turkey, Japan and Argentina) we have been able to take through friendship and food. I have begun to face my over-reliance on wine during crazy hour, step by step; launched myself forward into my first official writing job and completed over 60,000 words towards my middle grade fantasy adventure series – The Mastery Chronicles – even winning a short story award! I have completely shifted my parenting paradigm – from bossing/directing to empowering – and can hardly count the times on one hand that I have really lost it at the kids now in the last few month.
This week a remarkable opportunity came up to potentially live on a charming property right next door to Dave’s sister and her family in Harkaway. The moment sparked a hazy swirl of phone conversations and emails back and forth with real estate agents, employers, mortgage brokers and family members. We dreamed and wrote lists, calculated new budgets and reconsidered all schooling options going forward. It was a little insane.
For someone who defaults to imagining the worst case scenario at the best of times, it has been slightly overwhelming. What was heartwarmingly reassuring, however, was the support that came bounding towards us in the form of financial support, employment security along with family and friends who can help you see a situation from all angles.
In the end we decided against the move, which would completely alter almost everything we hold as concrete in our lives right now.
And to be honest, I’m mostly just relieved.
What the entire process highlighted even more to me is that I love my life right now. The spacious house that easily embraces thirty-five people for our dinner parties, the basketball court where the boys spend most of their time. I love the network of friends that live mere streets away, the feeling of abundance that permeates our days. I treasure the pockets of time to write and create, and the meaningful opportunity flexible work has provided. We have forged a meaningful existence here and it overflows with significance.
Life is chaotic and crazy sometimes. We tumble from activity to activity and it all falls apart every now and then. Kids push through stages and test boundaries and patience. We weather storms and disappointments.
But at the heart of it all is the reassuring and hopeful reality, that we are content right now. And that even the most charming house in Harkaway cannot change that.
I’m grateful for 34 years of existence. For an inspiring husband who is courageously following his dreams and encouraging us all to be the best versions of ourselves along the way. For the four unique and incredible humans who we get to do life with, watching them bloom and blossom into breathtaking individuals, marvelling at the miracle of life with each kiss on sleeping forehead.
Happy Birthday, indeed.
