I had one of those days yesterday. It wasn’t that anything particularly awful happened, or that it was even dramatic enough to deserve the heightened title, but sometimes it doesn’t take much to set the landslide going. My mood didn’t help. I stalked around with gritted teeth, finding everything frustrating – Harvey’s perpetual whining, Hudson’s uncanny knack for ‘helpfully’ triggering his younger brother’s screams, Ivy’s refusal to eat dinner, Eli’s overreactions to the most minor of injuries.

Dave received some pointed messages containing some unprintable words, I counted keenly down for him to walk back through the door, and we limped our way through the rest of the evening.

Some days I look at myself and wonder if I contributed anything positive to the world. After all, if mum is just a grouchy fun-killer, what am I even offering to my family? Sure, there are the little moments, the unseen tasks that keep the whole thing going,… but sometimes it is hard to see the big picture.

It can start off like a domino effect, where one thing goes wrong and I overreact, then berate myself for overreacting, and it all goes downhill from there. My shame makes it easier to yell the next time and we drag ourselves forward, hoping for the day to fade into the next.

Often it isn’t one thing that will help bring me out, but there are a few weapons up my sleeve that I try to remember to pull out in times such as these.

1. Listen to a podcast

Last night I chanced upon the perfect episode ‘How to QUIET Your Mind “Kwikly”’. For those not familiar with Jim Kwik, he is an amazing learning coach who provides ‘bite-sized brain hacks for busy people’, consolidating neuroscience research into short but jam-packed episodes about how to do life better and make the most of your brain power. Using ‘QUIET’ as an acronym, he suggests the following:

Q: Questions – ask better ones about life (‘What am I thankful for? What could help me relax right now? Who am I right now?)

U: Unplug from distractions, take a break and get into nature

I: Integrate your five senses to help you feel more grounded (sight, touch, sound, smell and hearing)

E: Exercise to change your perspective, grow new brain cells and stay sharp

T: Transcendental meditation (or meditation of any kind) to help you relax and focus on what really matters.

Even just learning about these techniques gave my brain something to focus on other than ruminating about the day and that got me going on a much better path.

2. Let it out

It definitely wasn’t a secret in my household that I was grumpy last night, but that is okay. Actually, allowing myself to feel the frustration of a hard day, to acknowledge to myself that sometimes things just suck and that it will be different tomorrow – helped. I want the kids to have a safe space to process their feelings and it doesn’t necessarily look pretty. We name the feelings, figure them out and move on. Sometimes the lessons I teach them apply to me too, who knew…

3. Reach out to others

When you go most of the day contained within your own four walls, often it can seem like you are doing it alone. The reality is that someone you know is doing it far tougher or that others are having the day from hell too. Either way, perspective can be just the thing I need to give me a good kick into gear – being able to have a good vent about the difficulties of motherhood, or asking others how they are instead. Connection is often the best remedy for isolation and discontent.

4. Do something fun

It is no secret that writing is my ‘go to’ and I live for the minutes when I get to sit down and create new worlds just by tapping my fingers. If I look a little vague sometimes, it is probably because I’m deep in a fictional universe, mulling over a plot problem and figuring out how all the threads are going to come together. If you want to get a visual for the places in my story, check out my Pinterest collection of boards (a rather spooky Apothecary, a mouth-watering cafe (The Gilded Mermaid), an Academy set in a castle (Vestige Academy) and a fictional town called Cereford that I’m totally retiring in one day). Dave is making his way through the first draft right now, and I’m trying my best not to read over his shoulder and take notes of all his reactions.

5. Go to sleep

This one would have been better if I had (a) dressed more warmly, (b) had ear plugs and (c) we hadn’t had a night visitor wanting to sleep in our room before we had even turned out our own lights, but hey, you can’t win them all. Usually, sleep is the magical cure that allows our brains to process the angst from the day before and arise with new perspective, ready to tackle the next challenge. Usually.

Well, if you have a bad day, be assured that you are definitely not alone. And let me know your tips for coming out of it! I’m always on the lookout for more weapons to slide into my sleeve. Not literal ones, of course…